Endless borders and terrorist apples

Sun 23rd

To catch our bus to Puerto Madryn, we needed to get up at 3.30am. It was pitch black and I was groggy from the wine. Resisting the urge to disturb the girls as they had us, I dressed quietly, went for a shower, gulped down coffee in the kitchen as some German girls attempted to cook red pepper omelettes (with only 20mins before the bus leaves!), and set off down the dark hill to the bus station. We saw a couple of police roaming the streets, and the air was strangely warm and peaceful in the dark orange glow of the streetlamps.

Joining the main road at the bottom, the lights on the harbour twinkled invitingly, promising adventure on its vessels, a lone skateboarder practised some tricks, and a few late night revellers in a mini screeched out of the car park. Waiting for bus, we saw the two Jack Wolfskin ladies, and the German girls arrived after their red pepper omelette just as the bus pulled in….

I slept almost straight away.

I awoke to all-encompassing bus-odour, and soon after, at Rio Grande – the site of the ceiling debacle last time(!) – the grumpy bus driver was Click to Keep Reading

Bus-toilet etiquette & a whole new level of manjar heaven…

manjar heaven
manjar heaven

Sun 16th

The morning found us sitting on the picnic bench table in the hostel kitchen in a two-man production line making salami and cheese sandwiches for our mammoth bus trip. It would be 27 hours to El Calafate, and sustenance would be needed, even if the maximum amount of energy we’d expend during the journey would be about 20 calories going up and down the stairs to the loo a few times!

The Marga bus was very blue, but had lovely leather ‘full cama’ seats, which reclined almost to horizontal, a coffee and water dispenser and TVs up and down the bus. Result!!  At least some of the pornographically expensive ticket was worth it…. Initially, there was no one sitting in the seats in front of us, so we were spared the dictatorial domino effect of the ‘people in front’ reclining, forcing you to do the same even if you don’t want to, just so you don’t end up with someone’s head in your lap… However, in El Bolson (originally a stop on our itinerary, but now a sacrificial lamb, slaughtered to appease the Gods of expensive bus travel), a Canadian girl and Australian guy got on. Click to Keep Reading

Eerie Ash and Steak at last!

El Boliche del AlbiertoThursday 13th

After a hasty coffee and slice of bread and butter in Perla’s kitchen, we walked with our packs through the grey dim streets of Puerto Montt in the beginnings of rush hour to the bus station. Our bus to Bariloche in Argentina was as Tur Bus, but their internation version – Tus Choapa, and the red instead of green bus signalled our change from Chile to Argentina and I realised I had grown fond of Tur Bus and its manjar biscuits. Would the buses in Argentina be as good?!

We crossed the border without incident, and no complications with my contraband seed pod. Around the border and then into the beginnigns of the Lake District (of which Bariloche is the gateway town) I began to notice that the trees and road were grey and white, as if dusty or faded somehow. It turned out to be ash from the recent volcanic eruption, and as we ploughed on, I could see just how deep the piles at the side of the road were. In contrast with the hanging moss of some of the forest, the grey layer of ash everywhere lent the landscape a very bleak air; and I was reminded of Click to Keep Reading

Manjar, tomato seeds & a grey fuzzy clump

Friday 16th

I awoke to blazing sunshine, amazing desert scenery, and a new attachment to Manjar biscuits.

The landscape as we approached San Pedro de Atacama was stunning – the red rocks of the desert rose majestically from sandy plains, and weather-beaten ridges and hollows flashed past in the walls of stone carved out for the road. All of a sudden wide plateaux would open up around a corner and the ground would drop away for miles to distant mountain ridges. I was getting very excited about our desert adventure!

We finally approached the oasis village that sits at 2,440m above sea level; the small patch of green stood out proud and bright against the dusty surroundings. At the bus station, we donned our packs and I plonked my ill-fitting cap on my head to shade my burnt nose from the heat of the midday desert sun as we walked through the streets to our hostel, Eden Atacamena. I didn’t see much from under the peak of my cap as I wandered head-down through the streets, but I had a good feeling about the place; flashes of white from the walls, a lovely shady Plaza de Armas with thickly knotted trees, brightly waving Chilean flags, friendly dogs sleeping in the sun, and narrow dusty streets with gates opening into courtyard bars, restaurants, dark Aladdin’s cave shops and hostels. I liked it already.

Once a humble stop on the trans-Andean cattle drive, SP de A has become prime real estate, and a favourite of the wealthy holidaying North Americans.  As a consequence of massive investment and development, San Pedro is now much more expensive than other Chilean towns and villages. Eden Atacamena though, was lovely and worth its slightly expensive rate. The outdoor areas were shady with loads of trees, tables, chairs, benches and strewn with hammocks; we were shown to a matrimonial room with cool floors, and a big soft bed laden with blankets for the cold desert nights. It was a shared bathroom-only place, but there were three lovely clean bathrooms – complete with frilly covers for the toilet seat and cistern! (Hyacinth Bucket would have loved it).

No time for dallying though, we were straight out – hat on, head down, hugging the shade like the Artful Dodger – to book tours for stargazing, the Uyuni salt flats, and the day trips to the desert to see geysers and the Valle de la Luna. The most important one – and the most expensive – was the four day trip into Bolivia for the salt flats, and we finally settled on Cordillera Travel where the fierce woman impressed us with her matter-of-fact almost militarily precise description and no nonsense approach. When her child fell over, crying for her, she just told shouted ‘Arriba!’ at her. She may not be a winning candidate for ‘Compassionate Mother of the Year’, but we figured if anyone could run a tight 4×4 operation into the desert, it would be her.

She advised us that owing to the Chilean Fiestas Patrias on the 18th and afterwards, we would be better to go before then and avoid drunk drivers in SP de Ata, and come back when it’s all over. So we booked for the next day! Worried about my sunburn as we had planned to go into the desert a few days hence rather than in less than 24hrs (!), she told me that rubbing a tomato onto my face would sort me out…. So, after a visit to the market to get bread, cheese and salad stuff for dinner, we were back at the hostel where I was to be found duly rubbing tomato juice and seeds all over my face. If it hadn’t been so painful, it would have been ridiculously hilarious. David made us a lovely salad for dinner, and we sat out in the last of the evening sun (with me under an umbrella!) to enjoy it. Full of good stuff, we had a nap to make sure we were fresh for stargazing at 10pm.

Wearing everything we owned, we waddled out into the dark streets of San Pedro and waited with a group of other tourists at the rendezvous point for the bus which would take us out into the desert to look at the un-light-polluted night sky. A bone-rattling half an hour later and we were dropped off outside a red-lit house and introduced in the pitch black to a Canadian guy called Lars who would be our charismatic and slightly geeky host for the evening. He was good fun, full of cheesy jokes and fascinating facts in equal measure – which definitely helped to fend off the freezing cold for the first hour as he took us through the night sky and the history of astronomy. I learnt that our word ‘month’ comes from ‘Moonth’ – as in; ‘I’ll see you in a [time it takes to get a new] Moon, or Moonth’… I learned that the phrase ‘Seventh Heaven’ comes from when people believed there were only 6 planets, and the Sun & Moon were one, all spinning around in their own little spheres. So If you were in the ‘Seventh Heaven’ you were in the highest and most exalted of them all – ie. On top of the world, and indeed the heavens.

The final part of the tour – as the freeze began to creep along my toes and fingers, squeezing all feeling out of them – was to use the ten massive telescopes they had set up just outside the huts. Each one was positioned in a different area of the sky in order to illuminate a different astronomical phenomenon. We saw the moon at such a high resolution I could actually take a photo of the craters; a glowing clump of thousands of stars that looked like a firework exploding; Jupiter and its moons; and a grey fuzzy clump which I wasn’t very impressed with until Lars explained it: the fuzzy clump was light that was from stars so far away, that the light that we were seeing that night had left the stars before humans even existed on earth. It had travelled across the vastness of space, through our galaxy, past meteors, avoiding the space dust, through the earth’s atmosphere and all the particles there, negotiated the trees, and buildings to get to the telescope, and the only thing that actually stopped the photons of light was our eyes. I almost felt guilty!

We finished the night in the hut with a steaming mug of creamy hot chocolate and the opportunity for questions. Someone asked about black holes and the only thing I remember (probably because they were the only words I understood in a jargon-filled explanation!) was that he said if we could take a teaspoon of matter from a black hole, it would weigh more than our whole galaxy. He also told us about a science project that was being initiated in the desert to create the biggest radio telescope array; apparently the second biggest Science project in the world after CERN. He got very excited about it, but if I’m honest, I got why they were building it in the desert, and why the Atacama was the best choice, but I just didn’t understand what these telescopes were actually for. I’m sure David will explain it to me!!

I learned that the Atacama desert is the driest desert on earth, but not the driest place, because the driest place is in the Antarctic. But the final, and probably best thing I learned that night, is that the night time sky in the Atacama desert is so full of blazing, multi-coloured stars and shooting trails, that you feel like you aren’t even standing on Earth, but transported high above our reality into Space. It is perhaps the most beautiful, vast, awe-inspiring, and humbling thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Goodbye to Peru

13th September

stream of consciousness about Peru as we leave for Chilean climes…..

·         Lessons from the cuy – even if you are going to wrench the fur from its back, shove a pole up its bum and roast it over an open flame before devouring it, you can still give your meat a little thatched house and make sure it is happy before you do.

·         Chile and Peru aesthetics & customs: I’ve gone deaf. No incessantly beeping car horn in ear shot, road rage does not seem to register here. Things are more finished – buildings generally have doors, a second storey that is weatherproof and a roof which doesn’t have ironwork sticking out the top.

·         Ethno man; we’ve escaped him!  – a 45 year old Englishman with the hairline of a 2,000 year old mummy, garbed in full ethno tat regalia – including garish stripy suede shoes, is nowhere to be seen in Chile. Excellent.

·         Remember – the most coveted commodity in a Peruvian hotel is not the cosmetics or towels (because you’re lucky to get any, never mind a bathrobe!) – the key is to always nick the loo paper to avoid the 1 sole payment for two pieces of paper in public loos, or being caught short in the bar/restaurant that doesn’t have any!…..

·         Goodbye beer, hello red wine – how I’ve missed you:)

·         Clothes: Goodbye lovely traditional and colourful Peruvian dress; hello baggy jogging bottoms and Chilean teenagers that look like D list rappers from Essex.

Crossing borders & contravening customs

Tuesday 13th (Happy Birthday Dad)

We left Tacna after a cheeky morning ice cream in the sunshine of the square. At the bus station, we managed to get ourselves in a ‘collectivo’ taxi for 5 people which was apparently the quickest and easiest way to cross the border into Chile. The other occupants seemed a little snooty, apart from a cute old man who just read the same page of the local paper for the entire way. I had the usual dilemma of ‘to declare or not to declare’ and decided – as always – its best to fess up, so I declared the seed pod ornament we’d bought from the Uros islanders. Thankfully, the Chilean customs men were chilled out, and basically took the opinion that ‘it’s just dried fruit’, and let me keep it. Yey!

The ride was quick, the process made easy by the obliging taxi driver who made we crossed our t’s and dotted our i’s and queued in the right places. At the ATM on the other side though, we faced a new dilemma – what on earth is a thousand pesos worth?! It cost us 3 thousand for a taxi ride which made me giggle as it sounded so ridiculous, but that gives you a clue how mental the process are here.

Hostel Raissa was a little run down, but clean and nice enough, with another massive room again – three beds! There was a large en suite – but the mirror was a massive shock – it had been ages since I’d actually seen myself! No wi fi though L After the taxi ride and a little wander, Arica seemed so Western compared to Tacna: finished buildings with sturdy walls and rooves, John Freida & St Ives products in the pharmacies, Activia and even Nectar points in the supermarket!! We chose to have dinner in Café del Mar –my Italian burger was filled with parma ham, cheese, peppers, basil and mushrooms. Great fries. We finished with ‘Hot cake’ and a cappuccino. I resolved to stop eating pudding as it was becoming too much of a habit!! Until the next day anyway….

Dirty food, Lovely George and WiFi at last!

Sunday 11th

Walking round Arequipa for final time, I was feeling sad to go! We ate juicy tangerines in sunshine of the square, and bought the hallowed Almond Snickers that I’d hankered after since I saw it in the supermarket on our first day… we don’t have them in the UK as far as I know, and I was excited to try, hoping it would be the equivalent of the Lemon Fanta treats on holiday when I was little. I am ashamed to say we succumbed to fast food at lunchtime to see us through our bus journey – I had a zinger wrap from KFC and David went for the new ‘double down’. Don’t judge us!

Our bus to our final Peruvian stop, Tacna, left at 4.15, and I fully enjoyed the poshness of the Cruz del Sur waiting room with its water fountain, etched mirrors and flat screen TVs. There were two things I didn’t enjoy though: 1) The sign for the female toilets ‘Ladie’s Room’ – (well done translators!) And 2) a girl in impossibly tight jeans who stood on our side of the waiting room door, said goodbye to her boyfriend and then called him back, demanding he bring her back fried chicken and a drink before the bus left in 10 mins. There she stood, tapping her feet and muttering at her phone, and then just as the bus was boarding, her face lit up as the poor sap returned and handed over the polystyrene box of meat and a Gatorade. He was rewarded with a telling off for cutting it so fine and then a kiss. Mug.

The highlight of the journey for me was waking up to George Clooney on the small screen in front of us as Cruz del Sur aired ‘The American’. Crap film for subtitles. Great scenery. Wonderful George. The obligatory cheese sandwich and little biscuit arrived like clockwork, and I succumbed to the Almond Snickers (totally amazing).

We arrived late at night to the ambitiously named Hotel Copacobana and although the hotel was a little faded and lacking in character, the best thing was that we finally had a wifi connection that worked!! Not to mention the cable TV – rugby and Man vs Food became a staple for the next few days…. How that man managed to eat 5 bowls of the hottest chilli in America is completely beyond me – nappies, sour cream and a tongue transplant anyone?!

Back to civilisation

Friday 9th

Our final breakfast at Pachamama included a freshly squeezed orange juice which was so sweet I swear it came from tangerines, and I thought it wonderful, until the guy charged me 5 soles for it (The rest of the breakfast only cost 4!) 9am saw our bus to Arequipa arrive. Again, it was a VERY local one, and the highlight of this journey which had me and the people in the aisle wetting ourselves with laughter, was the old old man in front of David reclining his chair into David’s lap. He wasn’t impressed, but it looked so funny – and almost indecent somehow!! We encountered a couple practically having sex at the front – feeding each other food, and fondling each other unashamedly,;women came on selling everything from chicharron of pork to jelly; and one old woman appeared to be carrying half a field of mint on her back.

It felt good to arrive back in Arequipa and the creature comforts and grandeur of Casa de Melgar. We had a different room – I noticed wryly it was Room 101 – but it was lovely, with a third bed hidden in an alcove in the corner, gorgeous sofas and chairs, an antique bureau and chest, and the bathroom in what was once a glass-fronted cupboard! It was wonderful to walk down Av. San Francisco and be back in civilisation; we were happy to be near water, shade, beers and fruit – where we could sit down and be secure in the knowledge that the hostel was only 15mins walk away! To celebrate our safety – and our new emaciated figures (every cloud!) we had drinks, hummous, mezze and salad at Fez – the Istanbul bar. The food was heavenly, and the waitress was still surly.

a VERY local bus….

Sunday 4th September

The only thing that helped me not to feel gutted as we left Arequipa was knowing that we were coming back to Casa de Melgar and Arequipa afterwards!! I had convinced David – well, he didn’t need much convincing – that we should come back to Melgar for the mere two nights upon our return, as we might be tired after the Canyon trek and wouldn’t it be lovely to have the breakfasts and a massive soft bed?! Reserved. Sorted. Excellent.

So, the 11.45 bus to Cabanaconde was a source of excitement and it didn’t disappoint – it was VERY local. For about a 10th of the usual Cruz del Sur price, we were bundled onto a small coach with loads of locals – no gringos in sight – and set off with about 5 extra sales people on board, all hoping for mucho dinero with a captive audience. And so it began. A crazy man gave out leaflets about how terrible drugs were for you and tried to get us to buy badges to help the addicted, another got on with a suitacase of snake oil which he was trying to palm off everyone after ranting on about it for 10mins over the on board mic, and all manner of snack vendors took their turns selling everything from chicharron and popcorn to jelly, fizzy drinks, and rice cakes. By about 30mins in, the bus was packed too. All the seats had been taken and locals were now piling up in the aisle – not one would have lasted on the tube – no concept of ‘passing down the carriage’ at all. Instead, they all piled up at the front near the drivers’ cabin, and guess where we were sitting? Yes, right at the front. Well, sitting is perhaps too relaxed a term – David was aisle-side with a 100-year old woman in full trad regalia practically sitting on his lap, gripping his leg for balance and battering him round the head with her shawl full of bread, herbs and random assorted stuff. I was window side, having my hair pulled by a small toddler behind me, and the recipient of about 5 plastic and cloth bags stuffed with food and toilet roll to sit on my legs, rammed into the corner. I didn’t think the ride could get any more local until a girl got on with a lamb. Brilliant.

The views however, were stunning. We whizzed (literally – I swear the driver had all the enthusiasm of the Stig and none of the talent) past endangered elegant vicunas on the altiplano, then by rocky outcrops as we approached the canyon. At this point, the views became more stunning but also more terrifying, as the roads became more narrow and more perilous, the turns became sharper and the drops on my side more and more extreme. We zoomed into mountain tunnels, surrounded by white imposing rock, and past carved and lush pre-Incan terraces. Whether it was the nerves or too much water, it didn’t matter, 3 hours in I was on the verge of kidney failure from needing the loo, and so when we stopped after four hours at Chivay I would have put Richard O’ Brien to shame as I clambered over the bags and lambs and people to get out the door and to the toilet. The banos were more welcome than a crystal or a golden ticket to me at that stage, then it was back on the fun bus to continue to Cabanaconde.

We arrive whole and unharmed in the main square late that night, and were met by the owner – Ludwig – and his Argentinian right-hand man. The hostel itself, Pachamama, was homely and welcoming; all wall-art, candles and low lighting, sofas and cushions. We sat at the bar, chatting to the Argentinian, drinking beer and Chilcano cocktails for happy hour.  He fell in love with the place when he came to stay as a guest, did a stint as a volunteer, and is now a fully paid-up member of the Pachamama family as the admin manager. Ludwig is one of two brothers who own the place and is  a strange fruit. He worked and still technically lives in Belgium, where I gather he is splitting up with his Belgian wife – but is orginially from Peru. As a result, he speaks a myriad languages – Quechuan, Spanish, English, Flemmish, French and Italian. He has been a guide in the canyon for 8 years though and gave us some advice on which treks to do. At first, he was recommending the three day-er, which I wanted to do as it meant seeing geysers, waterfalls, hot springs, the whole gamut of attractions in the canyon. However, after a little more info on my love of narrow perilous paths, he changed his mind and said perhaps the two daye-er would be easier. We would need no guide, he said, because it is quite touristy, the paths are really obvious and – I quote – ‘it is an easy, relaxed two days… you can enjoy and not rush. It’s really easy’. So – with thoughts of a lovely little jaunt for a couple of days, we were sold and decided after a day of chilling out, we would set off for our trip to the canyon. After a very tasty lomo of alpaca we went off to bed early to stretch out the aching bus muscles, and drifted off to the sound of Ludwig and the Argentinian playing the guitar and no doubt attempting to woo the lithe young German girls who had been curled up in the corner of the sofa, offering back massages to them both earlier!

On through the night…

Not since the notorious Laos suicide journey where the driver had an AK47 strapped to his shoulder have I been as scared in a bus. We travelled with the ace Cruz del Sur again from Nazca to Cusco, feeling smug that we were travelling through the night and saving a night’s hostel fee and that we’d be able to sleep through most of the 20 hours to our next stop.

Oh. My. God. As someone who is famous amongst North London circles for being able to sleep through anything short of having my feet set on fire, I can tell you that sleep was not an option for most of those 20 hours.

After tucking ourselves in, David and I snuggled into the blankets and reclined the seats, ready to doze off, when I felt the whole of the top deck lurch to one side, and then felt a heave in my stomach as we went over a hump, and slowed dramatically before another lurch to the other side. The unmistakable feeling of hurtling down – and up – hairpin mountain passes.

All I can say is that going to the loo became a Krypton-factor-esque challenge, sleep was fitful and full of dreams of traffic-related death, and that I now cannot think of a Cruz del Sur bus without conjouring images of the evil red car from the milky Way adverts…. The views when I woke in the morning were breathtaking – above the clouds, looking down through them into the valley – but not as breathtaking as the overtaking manoeuvres the driver executed… horn beeping and engine revving, I can only assume we avoided an accident and certain death because the Cruz del Surs are acknowledged as the bullies of the road… no one argued with us, and more than a few unfortunate tuk tuks and minibuses almost got run off the cliff or into the mountain side as we hurtled towards Cusco…..